Oh my goodness.

Melons.

Melons everywhere.

Jeff Buckley – Last Goodbye

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it’s over
Just hear this, and then I’ll go:
You gave me more to live for
More than you’ll ever know.

Well this is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can’t we overcome this wall?
Baby maybe it is just because I didn’t know you at all.

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation.
Oh, you know it makes me so angry ’cause I know that in time
I’ll only make you cry
This is our last goodbye.

Did you say, “No, this can’t happen to me!”
And did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice, unkind, in the back of your mind
Saying, “Maybe,
“You didn’t know him at all,
you didn’t know him at all,
oh, you didn’t know.”

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime,
Burning clues into this heart of mine.
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes, and the memories
Offer signs that it’s over, it’s over.

Sean, Nicole, Aida, I’m especially going to miss you guys.

Because when I’m with you three, I feel most like myself.

And it’s the best feeling in the world.

—

P.S. : Aida I just realized we don’t have many pictures together. This needs to be fixed. =.=

P.P.S. : Happy belated birthday! :D

Sleep? What’s that?

It’s 2 in the morning. I don’t think I’ll be going to sleep anytime soon.

My sleep’s been quite irregular past few weeks, which I guess is normal for someone on long holidays. I’d sleep maybe four hours when it’s dark out, and then there’s a random three-hour stretch sometime else in the day when I’m likewise knocked out.

I’ve been trying to fix that, it’s not healthy at all, but I guess that’s like when BP was saying they were trying to fix that gigantic leak in their underground oil well.

 

"We've got this completely under control."

 

It’s not all bad, though. I can put it to my advantage where fasting is concerned. As I write this, I’m nibbling on Tiger biscuits.

I kinda love fasting month, actually. It’s got a special charm to it. Suddenly everyone’s treating everyone else nicer. Even the people who don’t fast seem to treat you nicer for some reason. Not that I’m complaining.

When my family sits down for sahur, it’s funny. Because 4 out of the 5 of us are short-sighted and have been using contacts in place of glasses since forever. At 5 in the morning nobody’s going to bother putting the lenses on, so you’ve got five people crowding around a table, eating and looking really groggy, most of them looking out of place as they wear glasses that are thick enough to stop bullets.

So this morning (literally yesterday morning) I drove to Shah Alam to pick up my results in MSU. They were already out since last Friday but I couldn’t get at them just then. On account of being too lazy to get out of bed.

I got a GPA of 3.8 yet again, bringing my CGPA to a total of 3.73 after a year of hard work.

I missed out on Czech in the end, but I am still pretty proud of myself. I worked hard for the last two sems and it shows. Missing out on Czech, I can take as a reminder to keep my priorities straight next time, because if I wasn’t fooling around during first sem I would have made it.

“The best lessons are the ones self-taught.” – Some guy.

Should be leaving for Bangalore at the end of September. I’ll miss everyone I’ll leave behind.

Serious business.

This should give people an idea on what I’ve actually found myself doing lately.

There are people who complain about the Maths we learn being useless from algebra onwards, on the basis that we don’t have a practical use for that kind of math in real life.

And I’m like, what? You mean you guys don’t play Pokémon?

The hoop is on fire.

Thursday morning, 29th of July, entrance exam and interview done with.

I’ve been dreadfully sick since the exams up to yesterday night. Talk about luck. Feeling a little better now, but the sore throat is still bad, to the point that I don’t even have a voice right now. I’ve mostly been communicating with hand gestures.

No, I meant reverse the car! REVERSE the car! OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.

So yes, I was sick during my exams. And the interview. And was still sick on Wednesday, which meant I had to bail out on a trip to Genting with my batchmates, and dinner with Aida. Hmph.

The exams were actually pretty tough. As far as I could tell the questions were divided into three types:
(a) Stuff that we may have learned during our course. (These made up the least of the questions.)
(b) Stuff that we may have learned during SPM. (And which we, in all likelihood, have forgotten almost completely.)
(c) Stuff we’ve never even heard about before. (Ooooh boy.)

Despite all that, we only need to pass. So if you add in the stuff we already knew, and the educated guesses, and the not-very-educated guesses, I think 20/40 is a safe target. As long as we don’t get an F it’s fine.

We all passed for the interview without even trying. It’s more of a formality than anything because technically, we’re already accepted. The interviewer I got went and lectured to me about proper Facebook usage for some reason before he let me go. I said maybe ten words at most while it lasted.

I want to write a little about the camp I had last week, too. Trouble is I don’t remember much about what I wanted to say about it anymore thanks to the fever. It really was that bad.

One thing I won’t forget was on the last day of the camp, right before the camp’s exam (I’m getting sick of that word), when all 125 members of the camp gathered around and sang me happy birthday. It was so awesome okay! Nobody even prompted it or anything. It just went and happened. It’s kept me in a good mood until now.

Checklist for holidays :

– Workout, will probably just come up with a jogging route and try to stick to it every day.
– Learn more stuff to cook. Not strictly appetizing stuff, just typical student food that will serve it’s purpose.
– Get lots of clothes. Bangalore is cold, so I’ll have to focus on stuff like jackets and sweaters.
– Go on a reading/movie-watching spree. No time like the present. ;-)

So, I just finished pre-med yesterday morning.

Woooooooo-hooooo!

Well, technically I still have two weeks to go before I can really consider myself free; I’ve got a camp from Monday to Friday next week for overseas scholars, and then the week after that, I’ve got the entrance exam for India. I still haven’t packed my stuff in the hostel for that matter, I’ll be hanging around there for another few days (the last days I’ll spend there) when the entrance exams roll around.

Then I really will be free, and for two months, and with a huge pile of stored-up allowance money. Whatever the case it’s been nice to finally lay off studying without feeling guilty.

Hmm, I’ll have to buy clothes early tomorrow for camp. Short-sleeved white shirts and dark pants during the lectures. I meant to go get them this morning but I slept late the night before, so I was too tired.

What kind of camp has lectures, anyway? And a written exam?

Also if I don’t pass the camp’s written exam, I’m barred from flying overseas to study. Nice.

Moving on, the reason I slept late yesterday was because I went to two parties that night! First Kavee’s surprise party and then to Tim’s/Sanoj’s. Sean drove his Myvi with Vivian, Kar Yann, and I tagging along.

Had a nice time at both. I liked when we were in the car and we talked about how none of us haven’t been in a relationship for a while (or, in fact, ever) and summarily concluded we were all losers. xD

I’d like to write more but I’m kinda tired right now. I’m going to shut off the comp and grab a minimum 10+ hours of guilt-free sleep. Must enjoy this while I can.

I love it when I find good new wallpapers for my computer.

It’s a lot like getting awesome new clothes, but without the cost.

The final stretch.

Busy busy busy. I’ve got Computer Science work due next Monday; one assignment and two Microsoft Office exercises, one on Excel and one on Powerpoint. English project on top of that, groups of five people pick a movie and reenact certain scenes, must total fifteen minutes. And then there’s the Islamic Studies presentation. Oh, and a Genetics presentation in two weeks. Lab tests for Computer Science, Genetics and Chemistry, all next week. And speaking of Chemistry, another quiz is due soon.

By the time everything is out of the way, finals will be too close. Those start in early July. Trying to get straight A’s and bump my CGPA up to 3.8, which is what MSU wants from people that want to go to Czech. There’s some talk that the bar will be lowered to 3.75, which still wouldn’t help very much. That’s about enough room for one A- and one B+. Or 3 A-minuses. To be safe I’m aiming for the straight A’s.

Not going to be easy, though. I’m already behind in studies, and it’ll be hard to catch up what with all the work I mentioned up there. And the results for mid-sem aren’t even out yet. Hardly comforting, considering they make up 30% of the grades. Who knows, right? Maybe I bombed mid-sem, and don’t even stand a chance of getting A’s for some subjects at this point.

I’m off, work to do.

‘Not my problem’.

Awesome breakfast this morning! Met up with Sean, Vivian and Kar Yann at Centrepoint’s McD. Really missed everyone, it felt like I hadn’t seen a Chinese face in fifty years.

And last week too, took Aida to the new Subway in TTDI and then Tutti Frutti, a great ice cream shop. Blew a lot of money on that one but it was still worth it.

I think even if my parents didn’t insist I come home every weekend, I still would anyway. Miss my friends too much.

—

I’d like to make a small point tonight – about human selfishness.

To start, the thing about accidents and disasters that you read in the news is, usually, it’s pretty hard to connect with. They’re reported as impartially as possible, focused on the stringing together of facts. Unless you were actually there when a tragedy struck, the full impact of phrases like ‘forty dead’ or ‘hundreds dead’, doesn’t really hit you. There’s even a quote that goes, ‘The death of one person is a tragedy, the death of hundreds is a statistic’.

Reporters do this because, well, it’s their job. They have to write their pieces in such a way that the information gets through and not their emotions. That way, the story is widely accepted. It can spread itself through a large audience without the writers worrying about offending someone, which for them is the important part.  It’s tacitly understood that the bit about the emotions is for the reader to handle. But it’s hard to do that, isn’t it? Not when you don’t have much of a stake in what you’re reading, can’t really put yourselves in the shoes of someone who was really there.

Maybe you’ve read the story I’m about to relate. It’s not about the Gaza flotilla (everyone I know is rightfully mad/upset about that one) but a smaller item, reported in the Star as ‘Student dies as kiosk workers refuse to help’ . The article tells you what happened, but like I said, impartially.

What most people didn’t read was Teo Chai Yong’s firsthand account of the incident, which is right here :

FUCK BHP!!!!! FUCK BHP!!! why? let me tell you!!

this morning approx 3.20am, at Cheras Tmn Pertama roundabout,

saw a freak accident, involving a Vios, Myvi and a Lorry.

im one the first badge who arrive, mean it just happen maybe seconds ago.

Vios believe to be turtle and badly damaged. When im passing by the vios, rear passenger started to pull out the front driver and front passenger.

then when i pass the Myvi, the car was totally sardine. Heard one girl was yelling cos piined inside. I stop my car then run towards the myvi to offer a hand while calling 999 emergency line to request for ambulance and bomba.

then saw fire spark at the engine bay of myvi. while still on the phone with emergency line to provide more details, i run back to my car and drive to BHP station which is just less than 500m away from the scene.

then i request for the fire extingusher from the attendant which is kept inside. There was 4 extingusher on the ground. But the attendant refuse to pass to me.

the BHP attendant claimed dat the door cant be open.

then i shout at him, i need it! i want it! someone is pinned inside the car and its started to burn!

then the BHP attendant keep repeating he kenot borrow and open the door.

then i was like WTF! if ur kiosk is burning can u come out? then he replied yes.

then he still say he kenot open the door. Then he say his boss wont allowed to borrow. WTF!!!

then i started to amuk kicking the kiosk and punching the glass of the kiosk.

i even throw my IC to him say that if im dun return u report police.

i saw i borrow.. if i use it i will pay for it. then he keep on just smile at me.

then he ask another partner to come out. Then i start shouting and yelling at them with bad words saying dat if the girl dies you two are the murderer.

then the 2nd BHP attendant shout back at me.

i demand for their names, i told them i would complain bout them,

then the 2nd attendant copy down my number plate and said that all my acts been recorded on CCTV and he gonna report to police tumoro. I challenged him.

then i drove off back to the scene.. the car was totally burning and the poor girl was burn alive inside.

then i spoke to the Bomba and PDRM how many casualties was inside. they told me one girl.

Then i spoke to PDRM about the incident happen in BHP.. then the policemen also scold with anger WTF with them.. if i could get the fire extingushier.. the girl might be saved.

then the Policemen ask me to go police station to report a cover about the BHP, and he assured me that the stupid BHP wont get to report on me.

Personally i would like to ask, how much does 4 fire extingusher cost? isit more expensive than a life?

would like to ask the BHP petrol station’s boss! u cant afford to lose 4 fire extingusher then u better closed down your station!!!! Fuck you boss!!!!

and this is to BHP MALAYSIA!! seens your procedure to keep all safety gadget inside the kiosk… if anything happen during refueling… is your attendant gonna open the door to help? seens he claimed that the door cant be open after hours??

FUCK YOU BHP!!! FUCK YOU!!!

i personally from now on will boycott BHP… i dont know how about you all!!!

gonna give BHP HQ a call tumoro… see what the fuck will they say about this kind of safety measurement they have!!!!!

for the two BHP attendant!!! you are the murderers!!!!!

If your heart didn’t utterly break for the poor girl burned alive in her car, there might be something wrong with you. I know mine did. Amazing what a difference a firsthand account can make.

Back at MPH I had a manager exactly like those attendants, just described. It felt like all he ever cared about was how much money the store was making – never about the customers, never about the workers. Never smiled at us, appreciated us, or respected us. He’d act like his store was some sacred place that he only barely allowed us to set foot in, and which with just our presence, we were in constant danger of befouling.

So I don’t know what it is that makes people act that way, to be so self-absorbed to the extent that someone burning alive in their car is ‘not my problem’.

Being selfish doesn’t help anyone, not even the person being selfish. Think about the girl.

And she was nineteen, too. My age.